The need to impress other women/seem cool, especially in mom circles, is pretty much the worst. And if you’re trying to prioritize yourself and focus on what truly matters to you, falling in the comparison trap or peer pressure can really screw you up. Conversely, I knew I found my people because at no point during our conversations do they say things like “oh my gosh, you HAVE to try this thing” or “this is really just for our group, we don’t need to bring anyone else in.” For whatever reason, that first statement really makes me angry and I am glad I do not spend time with people who feel compelled to tell me what I HAVE to do. My friends are awesome: they talk about the interesting, random, hilarious, wonderful, and everything in between. And often something comes up that some or all of us think might be a fun thing to try. But what I love is that there isn’t any pressure to like something or do it simply because everyone else does.
For example, when I decided I wanted to run, I had a couple friends who wanted to run together. We always had fun catching up on the week during the runs and it definitely made the time pass quickly because we chatted through the run. After awhile, though, one friend decided that it wasn’t her idea of a good time to wake up at 6:30 on a Saturday morning to run a couple miles. And the beauty of this friendship is that it was no big deal. There was and would never be a bit of guilt placed upon her for choosing what worked best for her.
However, I haven’t always had friends who spoke up for themselves and I definitely haven’t always been the friend who spoke up. Looking back on some past friendships, I can see so many times I did certain things just because that’s what “the group” wanted. And that’s no good for anyone. I was never the girl who wanted to go out drinking at bars until 2am. I hope I’m always the girl who wants to go out dancing until 2am. I will never be the girl who likes parties, especially with people I don’t know. Small talk is my least favorite way to communicate and unless you wanna get real deep right away, I do not enjoy meeting new people in groups. I will always be the girl who loves one on one time, or couple of friends times, ideally if that time involves food.
It took me until I was almost 30 to figure it out, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with setting certain boundaries and understanding what just doesn’t suit me. That doesn’t mean never doing activities outside my comfort zone, because it’s always important to stretch our limits and see if our preferences have changed. It means being self-aware enough to know what I love and what fills me up with joy.
My regular dream night with friends involves some sort of chocolate treat, cheese (give me all the cheeses, please), some wine, and a lot of conversation about any and everything. None of which has to do with what the latest and greatest anything is that we HAVE to try. Any sort of peer pressure has no place in my space. I might sound like a broken record here, but truly, I feel that so many women feel like they need to measure to up to what everyone else is doing.
Further, with regard to the comparison game, that can go out the window too. With self-awareness comes the knowledge that when you know what works for you and what doesn’t, you have no desire to worry about what anyone else is doing. It is why despite all of the deep flaws in social media, I’ve never felt like I have to live up to the standard that anyone else projects. I have lots of friends that like to camp, and their pictures are beautiful. I enjoy that they are having such an awesome time doing something they love. None of their pictures make my want to sleep in a tent in the middle of the woods. I feel no sense that I’m missing out when they camp because I’d rather be in my living room watching TV and eating cookies.
I’m rambling again so I’ll wrap it up with this: you do you and leave what doesn’t serve you out. If you’re surrounded by people trying to tell you what will work best for you, please kindly feel free to tell them to hush. Friends who encourage you to be more self-aware by modeling it themselves and who call you out when you aren’t being true to yourself are the best kind. They will cheer you on when you prioritize what matters to you and they will honor your boundaries. If it isn’t clear by now, a lot of my posts will come back to the message finding your people is just the best. Finding women who challenge you, celebrate with you, and who you can talk to about anything and everything for hours (no exaggeration, some of the best conversations happen at 2am after a night talking that started at 6pm.
My hope for you is that you find what works best for you and that you stick to it. And don’t buy anything anyone tells you to buy on Instagram just because you want to be like them (unless it’s a spin mop, I for sure bought one of those and have zero regrets about my clean floors). Do you and the rest will follow. Happy Wednesday!
Put Mama First 
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