Earnest

That’s who I am. At my core, that’s in the top three words that fully encompass me. The more I consider exactly what I want my life to look like during any given season and how I intend to live out that vision, the more I come back to the word earnest. I’ve been called serious my whole life, but I don’t believe that accurately describes me. I’ve goofy as can be, but I’m serious about it. I’m serious about whatever I’m passionate about and I happen to be sincerely passionate about some stuff that is serious. Feminision, equity, systemic racism, gun violence, all serious things that I’m intensely passionate about. The level of hair gel in David Schwimmer’s hair at any given time on Friends, what a badass Elizabeth Montgomery was, and the genius and amazeness of Mindy Kaling and Tina Fey, also things I’m awfully intense about, none of which are actually that deep or serious.

Hi, I’m in therapy mode. Welcome to my brain. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the boxes we put ourselves in and the boxes other people try to put us in. I think it started the other day when someone made a comment about “kids these days” and how they aren’t into the same stuff we were into as kids for as long. I got defensive in my head because I felt boxed in to the conception that there’s a right or wrong way to do the whole “kid” thing. As someone who was told more times than we all have hands to count that I should act like a kid and not be so serious all the time, I have a heightened sensitivity to kids or really anyone being put into boxes. Because when you are a kid and people categorize you a certain way, for better and oftentimes worse, that’s how you start to see yourself. Shy, serious, sensitive, somehow all negative sounding things at the time. On the flip sides, there’s the terms people use to describe that are supposed to sound positive but can really do a number on a kid, gifted, perfect, driven. Any and all of those boxes can feel safe when you’re a little kid and you’re trying to figure out up from down. But as you grow up, if you are still fundamentally at your core the same person you’ve always been, those boxes have an immense ability to become limiting when you start to consider what you want your life to actually look like.

I’ve never heard anyone describe anyone else as earnest and I want to start using that word. I think it’s a powerful word because it very clearly and accurately describes what it is. Someone who is characterized by or proceeding from an intense and serious state of mind. Yeah, that’s me all day long. Intense and serious about everything I’m intense and serious about. I got very giddy the other day when I was thinking about this because I can’t really make a plan for what I want a time in life to look like if I don’t know me as well as I possibly can. Who we are tells us what we really want so if you know yourself, you know what you really want and it doesn’t leave you any room to lie to yourself and trick yourself into making a decision that doesn’t actually reflect your real desires. It’s how I’ve made every big decision I’ve ever been right about. I’ve done what most reflected what I really wanted a season of life to look like and it’s always paid off. It’s been hard and messy and weird and sometimes smelly (babies and toddlers, very smelly. Very gross. Too many bodily fluids.) It’s also always been what’s best for me.

Do you do this too? Think about thinking and why you think that way you do and what it means to be labeled with a certain personality trait? I’m curious about how we view ourselves compared to whatever labels other people attempt to place on us. I want to know if other adults remember the labels given to them when they were children. Did any of you think it was super strange to be called gifted if that was one of your labels? That’s a heavy word to carry and it’s an odd situation because to a lot of people especially in the late 1900s (tee hee), it was considered a compliment when you were “gifted”. I just thought it was weird. Doogie Howser (yes I know he wasn’t a real person, but I do not remember the names of any super smart child scientists from that time so we are where we are reference wise) was gifted y’all. Alexandra Nechita was gifted. Those kids had exceptional talents or abilities, which is what gifted actually means. Scoring high on a standardized test might mean someone is gifted. It could also just mean they have a high IQ and happen to test well. And “gifted” kids have it easy when you consider the flip side.

Kids who happen not to test well or have any learning differences to speak of face obstacle after obstacle all because they have this label attached to what is truly just a difference in how their brains process information. I know that today the educational system does a much better job individuating lessons so that students can learn in ways that actually make sense to their brains, but it for sure isn’t perfect and the labels in a lot of cases still carry stigmas with it both in how other students treat their peers and in how parents treat children who aren’t neurotypical. I’m not educated enough on the topic to speak further other than to voice an opinion, but I’m just frustrated by the limiting beliefs that come along with labels. I do not have answers here, just questions and a clear need to learn more about the topic.

Knowing ourselves, our core desires and true nature, gives us the limitless power to find our just right place in this world and flourish in it. My hope in writing this all down is that if someone feels limited by any label given to them or that they’ve given to themselves, that they feel free to let that go. Take the time to get to know who you are without the noise of anyone else’s expectations or opinions. You can enlist all the help you need to do this be it journaling, reading, listening to all sorts of experts, therapy, any of that. At the end of the day, though, you will know who you are, I believe, by how you choose to fill your time and what you prioritize. You will know who you are by that feeling of joy you get from doing whatever or losing track of time in an activity because you’re enjoying it so much. If you’re an introvert or you love an introvert, I do think the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking will be super eye opening. I read it for the first time in 2012 and it is the main reason I knew for sure I wasn’t the least bit shy.

Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope you’re well! I’ve missed writing a weekly blog but I’ve also enjoyed taking some time. I hope if you’re someone who’s searching to know themselves better, this encourages you to keep digging. Happy Wednesday!