Put yourself first today

Mama comes first

We’ve all heard people talk about how parents are told to put their own mask on first on a plane before they try to help anyone else.

Ever since I became a parent, I’ve been bombarded with messages about the importance of self care.  I’ve read dozens of rants of social media and listened to women complain that the idea of self care is unrealistic, expensive, and untenable in a world where mamas, in particular, carry a heavier burden generally with regard to child and home care.

Every day there is a tension between those who espouse the benefits of self care (without a clear definition of what that actually means) and those who complain that self care is impossible (and instead martyr themselves by putting everyone else first and then expecting pity and praise for doing so.

And then there are a few women (some of whom I’m extremely grateful to know) who reject all that crap.  They know that true self care means taking care of their bodies and their health so that they can be helpful and nurturing when called to do so.  They know that no amount of facials, massages, and manicures (however soothing and beautiful) can fill them up as well as truly finding whatever fuels their soul and diving into that.  Whether it’s my friend who escapes to fantastical worlds through reading as many books as she can get her hands on, my friend who fell in love with running so much so that she feels the act of adding it into her life changed her identity to it’s core, or my friend who loves sleeping and feels her most refreshed and joyful when she carves out time for extra rest each day, these women know that finding one’s source of joy is in itself self care.

When we take the time to stop and breathe, as many of us have either chosen to or frankly been forced to in 2020 due to not being able to go anywhere outside our homes, we can discover what fills our hearts most.  We can come to know that by putting ourselves first, by claiming our right to joy in this world outside of the expectations and obligations to anyone else, we are meeting our most important needs.  

And just to break it all the way down, when we don’t put ourselves first, when we sacrifice our time and sleep and frankly sometimes food, everyone loses.  We end up tired, angry, and walking around at age 32 with mono (yeah, that’s a special story for another day).  

So hi, I’m Mary, mama of 2 and someone who is so grateful she chose to put herself first. I hope to make this a space to share why I do so, how that all worked, and hopefully help someone else who would like to do the same. I hope you’ll join me!