The Ultimate Girl Group

I was never a girl’s girl growing up. I always had a few girl friends, but for the most part, I preferred to hang with the guys. They weren’t down for drama and there wasn’t this weird undertone of competition that always bummed me out like there always seemed to be with the girls. Over time, and especially once I got to college, I started to realize that female friendship can be awesome and supportive and just plain amazing. But I was still wary of the girls who like to play the one up game. I get that the real enemy is the patriarchy and all that and if women were treated equally this whole time, we wouldn’t have this problem, but that’s a post for another day.

All that to say, when I had kids, living in a new city where I didn’t know anyone, I knew I needed to find my people. I always found friends at work, but I’d decided I wanted to stay home with my son when he came here so I didn’t get a job. Gratefully, one of my husband’s co-workers at the time pulled my aside at one of his work things and reached out. She offered to take me to register for baby gifts, took me to a local yoga studio so I could widen my community, and was just there for me. Fast forward 7 years, it’s no shock that she’s started her own business helping other women live their best lives. I basically hit the friend jackpot meeting someone so kind right away. Women are awesome.

Then after I had my son and the only friend I did have was working outside the home full time, I knew I needed to put myself out there again. I joined a local mom’s group and through that I found what I would term as the ultimate girl group. The women I got close with are the kind of people who will love you through all the mess, celebrate you when everything is going great, and drop food off on your porch for weeks when your house is literally full of shit (true story) because they want to love on you but they for sure have no interest in your germs. These are the women who text about a picture of pie that they saw online at 9pm and ask you to join them for late night dessert on a random Thursday. And when you disappear for about 18 months on and off because everything goes bonkers (mono, she’s a real bitch), they welcome you back right away.

I’ve never had friendships like this before with anyone and my goodness am I grateful. Find your people, whoever they are. And if you are lucky enough that you, your kids, and your spouses get along, you’ve hit the lottery. These friendships are precious gold.

Now, there’s the flip side to that coin too. The women who do make everything a competition. The ones who are constantly asking you what new skills your kid has and comparing them to their kid. Just because you need to find your people doesn’t mean you need to bring that negativity into your space. You deserve friends who lift you up and who you want to lift up. It’s an awesome give and take and love when you find it. But that toxic mess. Leave that out. You don’t need all that drama.

It’s really hard to put yourself first as a mama if you are the only one cheering you on. I’m sure it’s possible for someone, but I need that hype girl group text to keep me going. When I am trying to work through someone, my husband usually asks me first if I’ve consulted the “council of ladies” about it. I like that. I think we need sparkly t-shirts that say “council of ladies.”

I hope this post brightened your day. And I hope that if you haven’t yet found your people, that you do. It’s been a life changing gift for me to have these women in my life. I know I said I was only going to post once I week but I wanted to get these words out today because I was feeling especially grateful for the women I’m lucky enough to call friends.

Please share your thoughts about female friendships either here or over on Instagram at @mamacomesfirst I’d love to connect and chat about the role of friendship in helping you prioritize yourself 🙂